Order Today! Emerging church in a Box!

No young people in your church?  Wondering where they went?  Been reading about these new fangled “extra” worship services?  Now’s your chance to start your very own emerging church service with our Emerging Church in a Box!

This kit is a fundamental and foundational tool for starting your very own worship service to reach those crazy Gen-Xers!  The kit will enable you to target and capture the post-modern generation and includes:

Order Today!

– Candles – set the mood for a truly sacred and spiritual experience with these candles (note: it helps to turn off almost all other lights in the room)

– Fold-up Guitar – this easy to travel with instrument will enable you to really jam on those praise choruses!

– Apple Computer – PC’s are so 90’s!  Become hip and rad with this new Mac Book.  (note: place the apple sticker on your bumper immediately)

– Celtic Cross – place this at the center of your worship space to add to that super spiritual mystical look.  A great addition to your “gathering”

– Thick rimmed glasses – don these glasses and lower the defenses of those hip young rebels in your neighborhood

– Flip-flops – before you’ll ever get them to look up to Christ, they’ll look down at your feet.  Nothing says “I belong and can relate to you” better than a pair of flip-flops (for extra street cred, wear them even when its cold)

– Hair gel – Not sure how to style your hair these days?  Wet your hair and go to bed, whatever your hair looks like when you awaken is your new do!  Use gel to hold in place for the entire day.

– Don’t forget the box!  Because the environment is so important to this generation what better way to attract those NPR listening, neighborhood liberals, than to use the box that these ship in as a recycle bin!

Order Today!

If you order now, you’ll also recieve a small fake chin beard to wear while you are growing out your own!

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This entry was posted in blog, church, culture, emerging church, faith. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Order Today! Emerging church in a Box!

  1. Eric says:

    Dear sir,

    Please ship me one of your kits ASAP. Could you please add a second small fake chin beard? My wife hates the real ones so it would be have to be for Sunday and other church meetings only.

    Thanks.

    BTW – Is there any money back guarantee with your product?

    Eric 🙂

  2. Josh says:

    I’ll take three, please.

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