True Love Doesn’t Wait?

I have never been a big fan of the traditional models for helping teenagers say no to premarital sex (or drugs or drinking or much else on the “no” scale). They usually start with rules, add some more rules and then toss some rules on top. My experience is that I’d rather help young people live INTO something rather than NOT live. [Don’t take this to mean that I’m advocate for teenagers having premarital sex or doing drugs or drinking alcohol, etc, etc, etc.]

I just have always felt that inviting people into a whole life focused on the Kingdom of God not only is more appealing, but is truly better. Just telling kids that sex is bad is not only inadequate, but its a lie. Sex is good. God made sex to be good. Teenagers realize this. What they aren’t so good at is recognizing the boundaries for the best kind of life. Let’s become advocates for not being afraid to talk about this issue of sexuality and advocates for talking about the best kind of life. Let’s NOT become advocates for invoking law over love.

What’s got me on this small soap-box? Mike Metzger has a post here that talks about the failures – apparently quite massive – in the “True Love Waits” approach.

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3 Responses to True Love Doesn’t Wait?

  1. I agree. While I have made the choice to abstain sexually before marriage, it is because of my love of God and my understanding that moral laws are meant not to restrict me but to free me. Observing this practice can enable me to be free from the worries of unwanted pregnancy, or of STDs, as well as free me from confusing sexual desire for “true love”. Sex can be a beautiful thing, and I wouldn’t want it to become base or hurtful through misconduct. However I didn’t come to this view through being told “NO!” but through healthy discussions with people who had made all sorts of choices, as well as through studying the Holy Writings.

    My point is that if we want to help people make the best choices they can, we have to be open and loving and provide a forum for safe discussion. If we instill fear then people will be too afraid to discuss because they won’t want to be judged or punished, and in doing so will only see the negative instead of the beauty of these moral guidelines.

  2. Chris Bean says:

    Hey Brian, great stuff on emergentia. I could kick myself for missing that gathering. I’d love to chat with you more about it and see how God’s leading you and others to move forward on this journey.

  3. Mike Tisdale says:

    I always appreciate the fact of how my dad spoke to me about sex when I was a teenager. He never stated that sex was bad or wrong but simply put it, “if you have sex with someone and get them pregnant, your baseball career is over!” Point taken Howard!!

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